Darcie's So-Called Life
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August 29, 2003 4:02-4:22pm

Journal Entry #11

I could stand in the shower for ages
Just as long as the water never went cold
The water masks the tears
A vision of me in my head isn't what other people see
My life needs to be put together
It's fallen apart and I've just stood back and let it happen
I want to cry but I can't
How did I let it get this far?
I feel like I have no one
No one that I can tell what I'm really feeling inside
I can't do that until I face the problem myself
I'm not even a desirable person
I think that listening to music will help
But I know in the end that they don't understand either
I can't even fake being happy
"I can't hear the words you say, I wish that you would shut up"
I have no real experience
I dream of things that I know will never happen
Like falling in love...
Having a happier life...
Everyone's leaving again to continue with their lives
It's as if summer puts everyone's life on hold just so they can have fun for a few months
Well I didn't have fun
I've never had a really great summer or year
There has always been downfalls
Maybe I'll use this time while everyone's gone to transform myself
I want to say "yea, right" but I really want it to happen
I've never changed myself
And right now I'm in a transition period, so I should utilize it
Everything's a mess - And I can't clean it up
I want everybody to see me as a new person
I wish I could go into hiding
But I can't be alone that much
Oh fuck...I can't do this anymore...
"Why is life such an issue in your mind, why are the answers to my problems hard to find"



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